<![CDATA[Sad Mascots]]>https://sadmascots.com/2026-07-30T06:00:00.000ZSad Mascots<![CDATA[Swoop Has Pectile Dysfunction. Philly Knows.]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/swoop-pectile-dysfunction/2026-07-30T06:00:00.000Z2026-07-30T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Banner Spoke Up. Then He Was Punished for Being Thirsty.]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/banner-vandalism/2026-07-09T06:00:00.000Z2026-07-09T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[FIFA Has Concerns About Merlín. Merlín Has Concerns About FIFA.]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/merlin-duck-wellbeing/2026-06-26T06:00:00.000Z2026-06-26T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Chance is Watching Schindler's List on Repeat]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/chance-schindlers-list/2026-06-16T06:00:00.000Z2026-06-16T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[The Salesian Sisters Question God]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/salesian-sisters-question-god/2026-06-14T06:00:00.000Z2026-06-14T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Spike Has a Dream]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/spike-lee-knicks-3-1/2026-06-12T06:00:00.000Z2026-06-12T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Wellness Update: The Masked Rider Would Like to Be Punished]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/wellness-updates/masked-rider-addictions-disclosure-update-2026-06-09/2026-06-09T06:00:00.000Z2026-06-09T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Blue Had a Madden Dream, Too.]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/blue-colts-madden-cover/2026-06-06T06:00:00.000Z2026-06-06T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Bernie Has Not Gone Home]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/bernie-avalanche-game-5/2026-05-31T06:00:00.000Z2026-05-31T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[This Poor, Poor Mr. Met]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/mr-met-may-2026-marlins/2026-05-25T06:00:00.000Z2026-05-25T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Waymo Confessions: Blooper, Northbound, Eight Up, Very Worried]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/waymo-confessions-blooper-2026/2026-05-18T06:00:00.000Z2026-05-18T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Gritty, Franklin, and Hip-Hop Booked on Multiple Charges]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/gritty-franklin-hip-hop-arrested/2026-05-11T06:00:00.000Z2026-05-18T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Noc-A-Homa, Other Mascots Mourn Ted Turner]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/noc-a-homa-mascots-mourn-ted-turner/2026-05-09T06:00:00.000Z2026-05-09T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Mascots at the Met Gala, Uninvited]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/met-gala-mascots-2026/2026-05-05T06:00:00.000Z2026-05-05T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Clutch, Now Going by Crutch]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/clutch-crutch-rockets-eliminated/2026-05-04T06:00:00.000Z2026-05-09T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Rams Select Lambpage to Succeed Rampage]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/rampage-lambpage-succession/2026-05-02T06:00:00.000Z2026-05-09T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Iceburgh Goes Home. Takes a Cold Bath.]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/iceburgh-eliminated-endangered/2026-04-30T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-30T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Mr. Met's New Baseball Head is Sore, Strained, Inflamed, Tight, and Stiff]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/mr-met-baseball-head-pt/2026-04-28T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-28T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Masked Rider, Moved by Sorsby, Discloses Own Addictions; Has No Plans to Address Them]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/masked-rider-addictions-disclosure/2026-04-27T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-27T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Wellness Update: Wally Not Among Those Let Go]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/wellness-updates/wally-green-monster-wall-update-2026-04-26/2026-04-26T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-26T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Crunch Cites McDaniels, Declines to Apologize for Rocky's Cubs]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/crunch-rocky-den-defense/2026-04-25T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-25T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Mrs. Met Spotted With Former Player Days After Husband's Suicide]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/mrs-met-john-franco/2026-04-25T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-25T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Phillie Phanatic Begins Daily Affirmations Practice, Calls It 'Losers Not-So-Anonymous']]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/phillie-phanatic-losers-not-so-anonymous/2026-04-23T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-23T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Spike the Director's Protective Measures Were No Match for Steve Cohen's Aura]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/spike-director-cohen-curse/2026-04-22T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-22T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Wellness Update: Mr. Met's Head Declared a Dead Ball]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/wellness-updates/mr-met-something-happened-update-2026-04-19/2026-04-20T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-20T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Something Has Happened to Mr. Met]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/mr-met-something-happened/2026-04-17T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-19T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Fan Who Told Jarren Duran to Kill Himself Implicates T.C. Bear in Stadium Steroid Ring]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/tc-bear-ped-investigation/2026-04-16T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-16T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[G-Wiz Fined by Adam Silver for Cheering on the Bulls]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/g-wiz-fine-cheering-bulls/2026-04-10T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-10T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Wellness Update: The Blue Devil and Shia LaBeouf Have Found Each Other]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/wellness-updates/blue-devil-uconn-upset-update-2026-04-08/2026-04-08T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-08T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Wally Has Gone Back Inside the Wall]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/wally-green-monster-wall/2026-04-07T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-07T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Wellness Update: Jonathan the Husky Had a Bad Week]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/wellness-updates/jonathan-husky-blue-devil-empathy-update-2026-04-07/2026-04-07T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-16T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Nyisles and Sparky Have Not Spoken Since Wednesday]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/nyisles-sparky-roy-firing/2026-04-06T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-06T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Jonathan the Husky Has Discovered Empathy. The Timing Is Not Great.]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/jonathan-husky-blue-devil-empathy/2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[The Puppy Has Gone Home to Abruzzo]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/italy-world-cup-2026/2026-04-03T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-03T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Duke's Blue Devil On a Bender to End All Ender Benders]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/blue-devil-uconn-upset/2026-04-01T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Mr. Met Is Smiling. He Is Always Smiling.]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/mr-met-2026-season-preview/2026-04-01T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-03T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Chomps Reportedly Spotted Ugly-Crying Outside a Waffle House in Berea, OH]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/chomps-waffle-house/2026-03-22T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Exclusive: Pat Patriot Still Has Bill Belichick's Number Saved as 'Coach 💔']]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/pat-patriot-belichick/2026-03-15T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Sir Purr Has Not Left His Cat Tree Since the Panthers Fired Their Third Coach in Four Years]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/sir-purr-cat-tree/2026-03-08T07:00:00.000Z2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Gritty Completes Mandatory Anger Management After Destroying Equipment Room for Third Time This Season]]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/gritty-anger-management/2026-02-28T07:00:00.000Z2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Staley Da Bear's Therapist Confirms He Is 'The Most Exhausting Client I Have Ever Had']]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/staley-bear-therapy/2026-02-14T07:00:00.000Z2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z<![CDATA[Chief Wahoo Demands Recognition, Insists He Is 'Basically the Me Too Movement, But for Logos']]>https://sadmascots.com/stories/chief-wahoo-cancelled/2022-04-08T06:00:00.000Z2026-04-04T06:00:00.000Z